He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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