my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
