he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
