whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
