He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
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