i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
