His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
