jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
