Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
