whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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