after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
