Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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