peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
it glows. i had to have it.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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