I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
my being single is dangerous.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
