I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
