I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
