Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
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