you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
it was like his penis was on wheels.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize