He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
