I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
