Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(954): View more from Florida

You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?

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(402): View more from Nebraska

what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with

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(513): View more from Ohio

why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.

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(281): View more from Texas

I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!

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(816): View more from Missouri

So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.

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(631): View more from New York

I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me

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(631): View more from New York

You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.

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(574): View more from Indiana

I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.

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