just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
