I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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