Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
