Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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