Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
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