Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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