After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
handjob tips. give me some.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
