Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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