she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
