i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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