Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
