Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize