You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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