y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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