This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
