I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
