I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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