his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
