when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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