Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Randomize
