I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
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