This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
