paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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