I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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