Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
