Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
