I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
This house was built for laser tag.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
