i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
