I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Randomize
