Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
