..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
