I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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