break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
you have to choose: penises or morals?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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