Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
