Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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