apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Randomize
