i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize