mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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