Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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