he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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