you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
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