I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
