Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
