She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
You need Xanax blowdarts
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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