capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
