honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
