There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
