I am in a vortex of obligation.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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