Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Randomize
